Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Doublewide decor and other places you don't want to be... (SFW)

My Daddy sent me this picture :)
Does something stink in here?  Oh, sorry, it's me...ayeee.  Yes, after spending four plus hours in the VeeDub, I'm back from Oklahoma.  Did you know there are folks living down there without wifiI was chained by a yellow cable in a little, back room all alone...  Anyway, nothing reminds me of Oklahoma more than bad decor.  It's everywhere!  It's the Oklahoma equivalent of "that local mediocre sports team that you must be a fan of cause they're local...here, have a lamp!"  Yes, I'm saying, Native Inspired schlock fills the NFL schlock-void.  Not to mention, it denigrates those who were forced to live there only to have most of  that land taken, too.  The land-theft, I mean Land-run is  re-ennacted every to rub it in to celebrate the state's shameful proud history .  Okay, done ranting, back to decor?

So, you know you're at the right trailer when you see this:
From my favorite decor site, collections.com
Wouldn't this look great above the door?
From the Hamilton collection (yes, the same people who brought you The Unicorn DreamCatcher)

 Look Ma! It's a Thomas Kinkade!

Another Treasure from the Hamilton Collection, yes you should look at it up close! It's fabulous!
This reminds me of a story.  A friend of mine started dating  a new guy.  She said, "You really like him.  He collects art!"  Of course, the guy turned out be a middle-age, balding, overweight, divorced, retail manager.  Okay, he was nice.  However, when I asked him about his much touted art collection, it turned out he collected Thomas Kinkade - Painter of light.  You can imagine how fun it was for my husband to watch me squirm and discuss "The Art of Thomas Kinkade" with a straight face.  No, my friend and the guy didn't work out.  Amazingly, she decided he was "a loser" completely on her own and without taking his "art collection" into consideration.  Anyway, I'm pretty sure he has this thing on a side table near his floral couch.

Bratz, now in winged stereotypes!
The Hamilton Collection never disappoints!  

This is from Jasmine Becket-Griffith's Spirit Maidens Figurine Collection. Spirit Maiden? Really? It reminds me of those pixies my mother collected in the seventies, only racist.

You know that old white guy with the bone-choker you see at Walmart?
You think he has one of these on his wall?
From, guess where?  The Hamilton Collection, whose slogan is "Collectables Inspired By You!"  Yes, you are to blame for this!  Can you stop inspiring already?

ZOMG! What time is it?
From Collections etc
I love the description on this one, "Table clock features a Native American style sculpted base with a maiden princess and her wolf spirit guide looking heavenward with the hope of being showered with good fortune from the dreamcatcher above. Requires 1 "AA" battery (not included). Crafted of plastic and resin


Yes, from Collections Etc
I don't even have to make fun of it.  Read the decsription, "Birds will love to pow-wow in the confines of this cozy Native American style teepee birdhouse. It has a perch outside where two birds are busy and an opening for birds to enter. Charms dangle from its bottom. Hanging hook and cleanout door in the base."
Yep, you read that right, it's a bird Pow-wow.  Never mind the weirdness of feather headdresses on birds, that's right up there with chickens eating McNuggets, but why is the cradle-board hanging upside down? 

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

The things we teach our children

When my son was four, his grandmother sent him Peanuts Thanksgiving stickers in a greeting card.
from ebay
 At which he giggled, "It's a Charlie Brown Pow-wow? That's so silly!"
And I'm embarrassed to say, 
until that moment I hadn't realized, how truly absurd it was.

About the same time the following year, my son exits his school wearing a paper headdress and yells to me, 
"Look Mom!  I'm a Pow-wow guy!"

from Nebraska State Historical Society
I didn't bother correcting him.

The next year, he came home declaring, 
"Indians have a different word for pants!" 
So, sent him to school with information about the only Native language I knew.
And his teacher thanked me.

The following year, as part a lesson about teaching the history of the state, he came home with coloring pages praising Custer for his, "Valuable service."
And so, I yelled at the State Historical society who printed it and the teacher who handed it out.  
His teacher didn't realize it was offensive.
The Historical Society apologized profusely
and said they'd send out new lesson materials.
A small victory.
But then, 
I had to try to explain Custer to my seven-year-old.

Since then,
I've had to explain to my child why he can't yell,
"But Spiderman says it!"

"Spiderman doesn't know any better."
"But you do."

I know,
it's all small stuff.
Little offenses.

and there.

And over there.
But maybe
when my son grows up,
 he'll be the one that argues,
"Hey, I don't think it's okay to name 
a nuclear weapons system

Just saying.