Awful inspires Awful

Taken by me at an arts & craft show somewhere in Kansas

Don't those fairies look strangely familiar?

Well, they should.

Yes, it's Jasmine Becket-Griffith's Spirit Maidens, again, brought to you by the wonderfully offensive dedicated folks at the Hamiton Collection.

O.o, check out the description:

"Embark on a quest to feel the spirit's guiding presence with a first-ever collectible fantasy art fairy figurine collection featuring fairies and their spirit guiding friends by acclaimed fantasy artist Jasmine Becket-Griffith, only from The Hamilton Collection. Your mystical journey begins with Issue One, Moonheart, the Spirit of Strength. Soon, your mesmerizing collection continues with Issue Two, Dreamsky, the Spirit of Vision and additional collectible fairy figurines, each a separate issue to follow."

So, there's MORE!  Oh wow, that wacky artist lady (who will remain unnamed, because I was too busy taking pictures and making fun of her work to pick up her card) to be INSPIRED by. 

I'm betting her next painting will look something like this:

Don't even get me started on the owls...

Oh, did I completely forget about all those antlers and dead animal skins draped on that artist's table?
It was like a taxidermist explosion plus turquoise.  Because when you think turquoise, what's the first thing that comes to mind?  

No, not that. 

Not that, either.  

No, the sacredness of nature that can only be experienced by surrounding oneself with dead things. (that's the theory anyway)

Oh look, driftwood.

What's sad about all this is that we have a large, active Native Community here.  I wonder how many walked by this booth and thought, "Wow, that's bad."  I'm not so much offended as I am annoyed.  It would have been so easy for the artist to ask someone, "Do you think it's too much?" 

*sigh*

Doublewide decor and other places you don't want to be... (SFW)

My Daddy sent me this picture :)

Does something stink in here?  Oh, sorry, it's me...ayeee.  Yes, after spending four plus hours in the VeeDub, I'm back from Oklahoma.  Did you know there are folks living down there without wifi?  I was chained by a yellow cable in a little, back room all alone...  Anyway, nothing reminds me of Oklahoma more than bad decor.  It's everywhere!  It's the Oklahoma equivalent of "that local mediocre sports team that you must be a fan of cause they're local...here, have a lamp!"  Yes, I'm saying, Native Inspired schlock fills the NFL schlock-void.  Not to mention, it denigrates those who were forced to live there only to have most of  that land taken, too.  The land-theft, I mean Land-run is  re-ennacted every to rub it in to celebrate the state's shameful proud history .  Okay, done ranting, back to decor?

So, you know you're at the right trailer when you see this:

From my favorite decor site, collections.com

Wouldn't this look great above the door?

From the Hamilton collection (yes, the same people who brought you The Unicorn DreamCatcher)

 Look Ma! It's a Thomas Kinkade!

Another Treasure from the Hamilton Collection, yes you should look at it up close! It's fabulous!

This reminds me of a story.  A friend of mine started dating  a new guy.  She said, "You really like him.  He collects art!"  Of course, the guy turned out be a middle-age, balding, overweight, divorced, retail manager.  Okay, he was nice.  However, when I asked him about his much touted art collection, it turned out he collected Thomas Kinkade - Painter of light.  You can imagine how fun it was for my husband to watch me squirm and discuss "The Art of Thomas Kinkade" with a straight face.  No, my friend and the guy didn't work out.  Amazingly, she decided he was "a loser" completely on her own and without taking his "art collection" into consideration.  Anyway, I'm pretty sure he has this thing on a side table near his floral couch.

Bratz, now in winged stereotypes!

The Hamilton Collection never disappoints!  

This is from Jasmine Becket-Griffith's Spirit Maidens Figurine Collection. Spirit Maiden? Really? It reminds me of those pixies my mother collected in the seventies, only racist.

You know that old white guy with the bone-choker you see at Walmart?

You think he has one of these on his wall?

From, guess where?  The Hamilton Collection, whose slogan is "Collectables Inspired By You!"  Yes, you are to blame for this!  Can you stop inspiring already?

ZOMG! What time is it?

From Collections etc

I love the description on this one, "Table clock features a Native American style sculpted base with a maiden princess and her wolf spirit guide looking heavenward with the hope of being showered with good fortune from the dreamcatcher above. Requires 1 "AA" battery (not included). Crafted of plastic and resin" 

WTF?

Yes, from Collections Etc

I don't even have to make fun of it.  Read the decsription, "Birds will love to pow-wow in the confines of this cozy Native American style teepee birdhouse. It has a perch outside where two birds are busy and an opening for birds to enter. Charms dangle from its bottom. Hanging hook and cleanout door in the base."

Yep, you read that right, it's a bird Pow-wow.  Never mind the weirdness of feather headdresses on birds, that's right up there with chickens eating McNuggets, but why is the cradle-board hanging upside down? 

5 Signs your new FB friend is a pretendian

They use a Kirby Sattler painting as their profile picture.

Kirby Sattler "See through Fog"

Now, I'm not saying Kirby Sattler is a bad artist or anything. (please don't sue me)  Yes, I know, this is the "Awful" blog.  He is a white artist who is a bit stuck in the romantic past, but honesty, compared most of the "Native Inspired" artwork out there, this is benign. 


They say things like, 'The Spirits belong to everybody" and post videos like this.

Wow, don't you just feel enlightened now?
Maybe you should try doing few yoga poses while watching to get the full effect.
I'm in "corpse pose" right now!
I will probably be featuring a lot of that "art" soon.  I really don't get the whole "Native Spirituality" youtube video thing, but then again, I don't understand why church services are on television, either.

They regularly tag you in photos like this one:

www.ubercomments.com

And this is supposed to be a compliment.

They own a headdress like this:

Feather and Stuff

Or this:

Feather and Stuff

Or this:

Yup, still Feathers and Stuff

Wow, those are some glazed looking hipsters...Oh, wait, no, those are mannequins.  My mistake.

Their weekend Pow-wow videos look something like this:

I've been watching this over and over; I'm more confused each time.

What the hell are they doing?

This is a pow-wow in Zuromin, Poland of all places.  

The drum group, Dead Dog Singers, are from the Czech Republic.  

Can somebody please tell me why?

Coyote "Inspirations"

Coyote the Trickster, we've all heard the stories about how he tricks Iktomi out of his roasted prairie dogs or how he stole fire or his hundreds of other stories.  (Wait, why is there no awful spider art? Believe me, I've been looking.)


Anyway, here are some "Awful" ways to express your connectedness to the coyote.  Disclaimer:  The blog author is not responsible for any wackiness that may occur in your life for embracing coyotes.


Getting in touch your inner Coyote...Or preparing for Coachella?

deviant art

This woman says, "I can create headdresses such as this from just about any tanned fur you hand me. Bobcat, wolf, mountain lion, bear, African black-backed jackal....you name it, I'll do it (so long as it's legal, of course!)."

Wait, I found this trolling on Etsy... Yes, it is the same woman and still very creepy.

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from etsy

Her listing claims this is "Perfect for Halloween, religous purposes, Burning Man, bonfire parties, Pow-Wows, costume parties, re-enactors, cosplayers, or anyone who wants to feel more in touch with their inner animal."   The misspellings are hers.

Um...What?  I must have missed the Roadkill Pow-wow.  Do they hold that off of the Will Rogers Turnpike?

But is it as bad as this?

From ebay, at $104 with 4 hours to go...

Oh but he looks so happy!  You know, with his severed head hanging on the wall.  Yup, happy.
Somebody wants this in their house, if it's any of you, please do me a favor and never invite me over.

Not Dooney & Burke...

from etsy, where else?

Ever think, "I could use a handbag that can elegantly sheath my 6-8 inch knife.  Those Burlington Coat Factory sales just get really rough sometimes, you never know when you might have to gut someone for taking the last pair of size 8 1/2 tiger print horse-hair pumps."  The dead coyote in this case would just be a warning to others.


Sometimes, I can't decide if something is scary, awful, awesome or all three.

deviant art user "I am Art slave"

When I see this, all I can think about is devouring Frank the Bunny.

Somebody read Generation T:

From Etsy.com

I was wondering what I'd wear if I found a Hot Tub Time Machine in Oklahoma City.

Not Felipe Rose:

 from Wood Co.

The website says, "This artifact is a wild and exceptional display piece! This impressive wall mount comes from Native American artists Super Moon and Black Wolf. It is part of a limited edition, number 20 of 500, and features a hand painted lost wax image of an American Indian Warrior."  
Now, I'm not going to claim know every Indigenous artisan out there, but Super Moon?  It doesn't say what tribe(s) the artisans belong to, either, which always strikes me as odd, especially when there's that whole Indian Arts and Crafts Act of 1990.
(please correct me if I'm wrong about this)
However, the site does go on to explain,"Native Americans have always felt a special connection to nature. The belief that all things have a spirit is an integral part of their religions. The Zuni believe that animals are more like the Zuni deities than is man. They also believe that animals have more power than man and that these powers, both practical and spiritual, reside in their totems."
Um, what do the Zuni have to do with this exactly? Hey, but he has horse hair, bison mane and coyote fur and for the low, low price of $361.95 plus shipping he can be yours!  I recommend hanging him in the guest room.




 

The Unicorn Returns (SFW)

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Zelduh on tumlr

 Blog goddess note:  This post comes on the heels of Newspaper Rock's post on "Land theft in My Little Pony".  Yet another chunk my childhood has bee marred by bad writing and racism.  And here I thought Shia LaBeouf was the biggest threat to my innocent memories. 

For $2.99 you can download this book. 

A Challenge to be a Unicorn, A Native American Indian Pony book 2

 by Dawn Davies

This was self-published on March 10, my other unicorn post was published February 25, coincidence?

A brief description from Smashwords, “All unicorns have to spend time on Earth being a much loved horse, they have to earn golden stars in order to become a unicorn. This is book 2, all about a Native American boy and his horse.”

So, it's like a video game? Like playing Dora the Explorer, collecting all the stars to access the next level? Or Scientology?

 

What hipsters do in thier spare time...(Warning this a minute of your life you won't get back)

I have no frigging idea. 

The description says, “A Native American is doing her daily dance to honor life, when she sees a mythical creature... a flying unicorn!!! The Native American tries to make peace, but the unicorn brutally murders the Native American - later boasting of her ability to fly. This is a symbolic reenactment of the horrors that befell the people who were once native to our land. The unicorn is seemingly innocent, but the true innocence is embedded within the Native American. She is pure, trusting, and as a result, is dealt a cruel fate.”

I think a better description would be, “Hey, I'm drunk and I have this hipster headdress and big green piece of paper hanging in my apartment! So, we got out that unicorn head from last year's key party and put together some racist bullshit!”

 

Meanwhile, if you need a Medicine Bag...

Black Feather @ deviantart

It might protect your virginity, who knows?

Psychics don't know we're laughing at them.

painted by Diane Tolleson

Yes, it a feather with a rainbow and a Unicorn!  I want to put in my hair, grab that pink Unicorn drum from White Ego Woman and see if I can get anybody at HINU to sing with me! 

Oh, but it gets better, Diane Tolleson is a psychic!  For $60 an hour, she gives psychic reading by phone, email or in person!  She, of course, also paints feathers.  For $75 dollars she will paint your Labrador on a crow feather.  Where has this woman been all my life?

Geeze, send me $60.   I'll tell you, "Everything is coming up roses" and I'll paint your cat with blueberry wojapi.

Painting by Mike (who does some really cute pet portraits)

 

Schlock-lahoma!

Schlock [shlok]  yiddish

–adjective 1.Also, schlocky. cheap; trashy: a schlock store.

–noun 2.something of cheap or inferior quality; junk.

 So, I spent the weekend in Oklahoma.  I used to live there so, you'd think I'd be used to it.   However, I'm always shocked by Oklahoma's love/hate relationship with it's Indigenous population.  They advertise it as "Native America".  However, when it comes to respecting actual Native Americans, well, that's a different story.  In Oklahoma, nowhere is safe from "Awful".

As soon as we crossed into South Coffeyville we were greeted with these:

at The Woodshed in South Coffeyville, where they also carry Lee Bogle greeting cards!
(yes, that is my pudgy little hand with the tape keeping my ring on, I'm classy like that)

Seriously, do people really buy their "Objets d'art" at the Gas station?

Gardner's Used Books, why?

*Sniff* I LOVE that place, too.

 Even the Goodwill...

  Teepees, cactus, cowboys, canoes and buffalo, really, this shirt has it all!
(yes, I shop at thrift stores, even on vacation)

And Walmart.

Okay, I have a friend that owns a similar shirt in purple and insists on wearing it around me in public.  He likes wolves, alright?  He wears the tie-dye shirt I made for him, too.

Meanwhile in the fabric department...

$2.50 a yard! What a bargain!

I want this fabric!  What the hell would I do with it, though?  

(Please leave "awful" ideas in the comment section, I might make it a reality!)

Let's not forget the Home decor section at Drysdales:

I had a "real" photo of these painted ponies and feel like I should have really cool story about how I lost it.  However, I am terrified for clowns and have a certain healthy unease about horses, too.  For me, horses are like those ladies at the country club.  I can admire their grace and beauty, but I have no desire to mount one.

 Talk about your Random Appropriations!

 Okay, this isn't Oklahoma, this is Chanute, KS.  It just struck me as strange.

And now for some Official Oklahoma Souvenirs!

In case you need to forget about Miley Cyrus for a while...

Speaking of drinking...

from ebay

From the seller's listing: "Retro Risque' Oklahoma Jiggers Drink Glass Indian Sooner
Today i have this Fantastic Retro and Risque' Oklahoma Jigger Drink Glass for Sale. This is a Great Bar Novelty Glass that has on the Front a Red Indian wearing a Feather in His Head Band and saying Hic, Hic. Apparently he is Drunk and Probably a big Chief at that. On the back of the glass it tells you What Type of Indian you are by how much You Drink. 2 oz. makes you a Papooses, 4 oz. a Young Squaw., 6 oz a Young Buck. 8 Oz. a Warrior and 10 oz makes You a Big Chief Only. What a great retro addition to your fine Bar Collectibles. Please do not think i am bias or pushing you to drink by me selling this item. I just think its a Funny Piece of History"

 Oh, I get it now, it was offensive, but now it's retro, risque and funny.  Puke.

Got Smokes?

from ebay

A quote from my husband (and Awful proofreader), "It fits."

Blog goddess note: Don't think I  hate Oklahoma and all that.  They got Braums, Whataburger and Rib Crib.  Plus, stuff keeps getting built within walking distance of my Mother-in-law's so I don't get lost while trying to escape for a while!  Then, there's Pow-wow season. Oh, and wild onions...