Headdresses are so last year...

Headdresses, again?

Isn’t it time the hipsters move on to something else before it gets cool?

So, we had the redemption of Paul Frank, followed by No Doubt's release of the clueless “Looking Hot” video and subsequent apology.  (Can someone please tell me why Gwen Stefani is throwing a coup stick?) Finally, Victoria's Secret got into the act. Then, after receiving the loving e-mails of our people and allies, they issued their own apologies (just in time for us to take advantage of the Panty Party sale, I might add.)

I, like you, have read a lot of “Lighten up, people!” comments.  So, in the interest of lightening up, I searched the internet for some really ridiculous headdresses we could all point at, laugh, and feel better about ourselves because we never left the house in these monstrosities.

Bear woman was one with trees.

Image stolen from: http://www.teenscraze.com

Here, I'm going to make up an ancient story about a bear that fell in love with a tree.  As you can see, it ended tragically when their only tree-cub died becoming a robe for a confused performance art student.

Ikto so loved the horned woman he spun his web around her. 

Image stolen from: http://www.teenscraze.com

Then, it got really dirty.
That other woman might be the fearless leader of the tree sprites, but we can't be sure.

Relax she's not wearing that...

Image stolen from: http://www.teenscraze.com

She's being eaten.

Hmmm... What breed of dog am I thinking of?

Image stolen from: http://www.manrepeller.com

Look! It's our old friends Huginn and Muninn!

Image stolen from: http://www.thefashionpolice.net

(Maybe not Native-inspired, but when else will I get in an Odin joke?)

Probably not Native-inspired...

Image stolen from: http://www.thefashionpolice.net

...but it has feathers so, I'm putting it in here anyway.

Blog Goddess’s note: I wish I could think of an interesting excuse for being silent for so long, like maybe I went to prison for a while for streaking around the Cherokee Nation Headquarters.  Sadly, no. Instead I went back to college and landed a job with a software company. <3 you all!

Oh, and don't forget November 18 is the first-annual "Wear Your Wolf Shirt Day".  Send me photos of you and your wolf shirt! Wanishi!

Topless and Running with Wolves (NSFW)

stolen from

http://www.flickriver.com/photos/shaireproductions/4853649201/

Think this tattoo might serve as a warning.  
Oh, look his tag will tell us if he's had all his shots!

WHY!?  

Of all the appropriation trends, tattoos are the ones I understand the least.  Why would anyone want something from another culture permanently drawn on their skin with a vibrating needle?

stolen from

http://tattoontattoos.com/gallery/wolf-tattoo/wolf-tattoo/

Two wolves, a dream-catcher, generic "tribal" markings, feathers and a turquoise tramp stamp?
(I'm not even going to ask about the bondage collar)

stolen from

http://tattooideasdesigns.com/winged-wolf-tattoos/

Yes, it's a wolf-catcher.  They even added pony-beads to the design.

 stolen from

http://www.tattoo.tv/gallery/index.php?album=artist%2FTheresa-Gordon-Wade-Lifetime-Tattoo&image=Theresa-Gordon-Wade-Native-American-Girl-Horse

Sky face wolf + maiden + horse= TRIPLE POINTS 

stolen from 

http://tattoodesigns.mildquotes.com/tattoos/native-american-tattoo-designs/
I'm not even sure where to begin with this one!  
I think the, um, roll adds that extra special something to the shading, though.

http://tattoo.about.com/cs/tatart/l/blalfreddreamca.htm

Oh look, someone indigenized Star Gate.
Sadly, I feel I must deduct points for the lack of wolf in this tattoo.

http://www.2tattoodesigns.com/native-american-tattoos/horror-native-american-tattoo/

This will give me nightmares.

And the winner (still) is...

Stolen from http://inkorart.com/category/full-sleeve-tattoo

Wolf eyes, sky faces, horse, maidens #1 & #2 , one even has the "O" face...is that an eagle over there, too? 

Yup, she wins the internet.

5 Signs your new FB friend is a pretendian

They use a Kirby Sattler painting as their profile picture.

Kirby Sattler "See through Fog"

Now, I'm not saying Kirby Sattler is a bad artist or anything. (please don't sue me)  Yes, I know, this is the "Awful" blog.  He is a white artist who is a bit stuck in the romantic past, but honesty, compared most of the "Native Inspired" artwork out there, this is benign. 


They say things like, 'The Spirits belong to everybody" and post videos like this.

Wow, don't you just feel enlightened now?
Maybe you should try doing few yoga poses while watching to get the full effect.
I'm in "corpse pose" right now!
I will probably be featuring a lot of that "art" soon.  I really don't get the whole "Native Spirituality" youtube video thing, but then again, I don't understand why church services are on television, either.

They regularly tag you in photos like this one:

www.ubercomments.com

And this is supposed to be a compliment.

They own a headdress like this:

Feather and Stuff

Or this:

Feather and Stuff

Or this:

Yup, still Feathers and Stuff

Wow, those are some glazed looking hipsters...Oh, wait, no, those are mannequins.  My mistake.

Their weekend Pow-wow videos look something like this:

I've been watching this over and over; I'm more confused each time.

What the hell are they doing?

This is a pow-wow in Zuromin, Poland of all places.  

The drum group, Dead Dog Singers, are from the Czech Republic.  

Can somebody please tell me why?

Coyote "Inspirations"

Coyote the Trickster, we've all heard the stories about how he tricks Iktomi out of his roasted prairie dogs or how he stole fire or his hundreds of other stories.  (Wait, why is there no awful spider art? Believe me, I've been looking.)


Anyway, here are some "Awful" ways to express your connectedness to the coyote.  Disclaimer:  The blog author is not responsible for any wackiness that may occur in your life for embracing coyotes.


Getting in touch your inner Coyote...Or preparing for Coachella?

deviant art

This woman says, "I can create headdresses such as this from just about any tanned fur you hand me. Bobcat, wolf, mountain lion, bear, African black-backed jackal....you name it, I'll do it (so long as it's legal, of course!)."

Wait, I found this trolling on Etsy... Yes, it is the same woman and still very creepy.

.

from etsy

Her listing claims this is "Perfect for Halloween, religous purposes, Burning Man, bonfire parties, Pow-Wows, costume parties, re-enactors, cosplayers, or anyone who wants to feel more in touch with their inner animal."   The misspellings are hers.

Um...What?  I must have missed the Roadkill Pow-wow.  Do they hold that off of the Will Rogers Turnpike?

But is it as bad as this?

From ebay, at $104 with 4 hours to go...

Oh but he looks so happy!  You know, with his severed head hanging on the wall.  Yup, happy.
Somebody wants this in their house, if it's any of you, please do me a favor and never invite me over.

Not Dooney & Burke...

from etsy, where else?

Ever think, "I could use a handbag that can elegantly sheath my 6-8 inch knife.  Those Burlington Coat Factory sales just get really rough sometimes, you never know when you might have to gut someone for taking the last pair of size 8 1/2 tiger print horse-hair pumps."  The dead coyote in this case would just be a warning to others.


Sometimes, I can't decide if something is scary, awful, awesome or all three.

deviant art user "I am Art slave"

When I see this, all I can think about is devouring Frank the Bunny.

Somebody read Generation T:

From Etsy.com

I was wondering what I'd wear if I found a Hot Tub Time Machine in Oklahoma City.

Not Felipe Rose:

 from Wood Co.

The website says, "This artifact is a wild and exceptional display piece! This impressive wall mount comes from Native American artists Super Moon and Black Wolf. It is part of a limited edition, number 20 of 500, and features a hand painted lost wax image of an American Indian Warrior."  
Now, I'm not going to claim know every Indigenous artisan out there, but Super Moon?  It doesn't say what tribe(s) the artisans belong to, either, which always strikes me as odd, especially when there's that whole Indian Arts and Crafts Act of 1990.
(please correct me if I'm wrong about this)
However, the site does go on to explain,"Native Americans have always felt a special connection to nature. The belief that all things have a spirit is an integral part of their religions. The Zuni believe that animals are more like the Zuni deities than is man. They also believe that animals have more power than man and that these powers, both practical and spiritual, reside in their totems."
Um, what do the Zuni have to do with this exactly? Hey, but he has horse hair, bison mane and coyote fur and for the low, low price of $361.95 plus shipping he can be yours!  I recommend hanging him in the guest room.




 

Disco Fever (PNSFW)

Cher in 1973
(not touching the debate on Cher's "self-identified Cherokee" ancestry)

In the seventies, it was cool to be an "Indian", unless, of course, you happened to be an Indian.

I happen to know some Apaches.  I can say with some certainty, there's nothing Apache here!  Check out the shiny, blue fringe on Mr. "Butter Popcorn".

No Apaches here, either!
Did you catch the play tent?

This could be the Hipster Pretendian Theme-song:

Perhaps Ke$ha will cover it next!
Don't you just  love the Album art? Thankfully, we're spared the video with this one. 

Of course, that is a re-make of this song:

I know it's from 1968 and not disco, but it's just too awful not to include.

What's a disco post without The Village People?

Felipe Rose honors his heritage by dancing in a loincloth, again.

Oh, but we've come so far since the Seventies, right?

This is a Norwegian band called Wig Wam. I'm just as confused as you are. 
Look them up on You tube if you're bored or really hate yourself.
(btw- that guy's shirt says "I Chief; You Nothing!" or something to that effect, I found it odd.)

Everybody wants to be Poke-A-Hottie...er, I mean Pocahontas(NSFW)

Blog Goddess Note:  This was one where I can't even show you the most "Awful" things I found on the interwebs.  Why anyone would want to dress up as hyper-sexualized version of a 13-year-old girl is beyond me.  Make me want to bury my nose in one of those "Red roots of White feminism" books and have a friend smudge me.  BTW- if anyone want to read some interesting info about the real Pocahontas check out the article" Pocahontas, Half-Raced and Fully Sexed: The Almost Empty Signifier and American Iconography"

Pocahontas the Cannibal?

IO9 Twisted Princesses

Considering everything I found, I kind of like this.  Makes me think she is going to whoop the ass of everyone defiling her image.

Neither more interesting nor attractive...

City Salon HB

 I don't get it, why do people do this?  "Oh, I'm so inspired by Pocahontas, I'm going to put a leather dress and have somebody take my picture."  It sounds ridiculous, right?  

Yet, we see it, again.

Krasimir Ganchev
Anybody else getting bored, yet?

And again,

Ann Lobowitz "On Disney fairytale Legends" for Vanity fair. 

Fairytale? What?

And Again.

Pocahontas EXPLORE! by Martina Michelle
I'd call it "Self portrait with Dryer Sheet" but that's just me.

Then, there those who should know better.

And the Cherokee Nation groans in unison...

The Random

• Robin Williams Pocahontas 2009, oil on linen, 5 x 6 feet
  Was the title "White chick on an inner tube" taken already?
  

 And the scary

Just imagine Dolls

Just another way to ensure your daughters have eating disorders.

Sadly, not even close to the worst of it.

Deviant Art Steeveinlove

 It goes down hill from here, lots of leather thongs and feathers, especially on posts surrounding thanksgiving. (Because nothing makes you want to give thanks like porn)

And going back to more whoop-ass (because after seeing everything out there, I may want to carry an axe around, too).

Simon Bisley Famous Women #9 Original Art - Pocahontas

Blog Goddess's note: I had to remove a picture per request, hopefully, they now realize how offensive and boring their photo concept was.

How to go "Awful" Pretendian Style (NSFW)

Sadly, Felipe Rose is not a pretendian.  We just wish he was.

 Pretendian  noun
Someone who appropriates generic, stereo-typical Native American themes in an attempt to appear more exotic, earthy, ironic, rebellious and possibly even whorish, but in an easily digestible "one with nature" kind of  way.  Pretendians have no grasp on o current or past Native American issues.  They are oblivious that their actions and wardrobe are offensive, because, of course, that would require acknowledging other people have thoughts and feelings.

But we can all get in on the fun, right?

Every good Pretendian needs a fabulous headdress:

Peaches Geldorf (http://tinyurl.com/45f46d9)

 Is that a feather duster she's wearing?

Or maybe just a few feathers will do...

Etsy user dekadence

 Wow, plastic warrior, feathers from the craft aisle at Walmart, a recipe to offend every Indigenous person you meet. How ironic is that?

And for days you fear you may be mistaken for a cat toy: ( Don't worry, it happens to real Natives all the time.  It's true, more Native Americans die each year from cats attacks than spontaneous combustion and blimp accidents combined!)

www.stylecaster.com

Added bonus, headbands will hold your wig on! (watch REEL INJUN for more info)  In case you weren't born with stick straight black hair, that you know, all Indians have.

But then again, nothing says "too cool worry about offending people" like Dead Animal on the head:

Charlotte Kemp Muhl, who has some, you know, mystic aversion to bras.

Don't forget the jewelry:

Etsy user feathercreations (she likes being topless, apparently. I almost had a SFW post, too)

 Oh Gawd...

etsy user MountainGirlClothing

Lee Bogle, now in hoodie form, accompanied by Guatemalan back-strap loomed trim because, you know, all Indigenous stuff goes together.

Don't forget your leather outfit!

etsy user dleather, who isn't posing as N.A. artisan. She does custom leather work.  She also has fringed leather corsets, loin-cloths, etc, for all your role-playing needs.

No, I didn't forget the guys.

more from dleather

  Wow, I suddenly feel inadequate...

The end result should offend about everyone or you're doing it wrong!

Dancing with the stars.  Found at listicles.

Blog Goddess Note: I want to thank all of you for reading and commenting on this blog. You all Rock!  

I'm listening to what you have to say, too! See the new NSFW tags?  You did that, okay a Newspaperrock reader clued me in on that, but anyway, it's there.  I love you all too much to get you fired.