Helpful hints for would-be anti-racist, Indigenous Solidarity activists by Special Guest Blogger Josdadalv

If your "Indigenous Solidarity" group has no NDNs in it; if you have to work Real Hard to find an NDN person, any NDN person, to come speak to your group; and this search involves sending way-too-personal messages to strangers on the Internet... you have a problem.

 If the members of your all-white group think they are showing "solidarity" by speaking in a subcultural patois of Newage Bafflegab crossed with TontoSpeak... you have a problem.

 If your all-white, "Indigenous Solidarity" group has been meeting for six months and still hasn't met any NDNs.... really, you guys have a problem.

If your white members find an NDN who is kind enough to speak with them, and you then insist on representing that NDN to the rest of the all-white group, instead of letting them speak for themselves.... you Really. Have. A. Problem.

If your all-white members then battle it out amongst themselves, sobbing at the NDN about your feelings, and trying to out-TontoSpeak the others in an effort to earn the right to speak for All NDNs Everywhere (because you spoke to one, single NDN who is still just a stranger from the Internet), while the NDN themself goes ignored and unwelcomed when they show up to speak with your group.... Seriously, you have such a serious problem, it's not going to work out for you. You might as well admit it now and just go back to being full-blown newage pretendians instead of trying to don the sheepskin camouflage of pretend activism, thinking the experienced activists won't smell you coming a mile away.

 Oh yeah, and the NDNs you insulted, objectified and tokenized. They're pretty pissed at you. And laughing at you. And telling their friends. And relatives. And Elders. Just so you know.

We are so honored that you have come to speak to us in a good way, cultural appropriation kitty. Aho. Hoka Hey. I know there are NDNs hiding in my family tree, I just haven't found them yet, sistah.

Somebody had to point this out

Johny Depp featuring a dead bird and, oh, that one guy.

Kirby Sattler's "I am Crow"

Wait, isn't Tonto supposed to be Comanche? 

So, shouldn't he look a little more like this?

Quanah (aka Fragrance, aka Quanah Parker) - Comanche/Scots-Irish - circa 1869

Native American Old Photos 

WTF is up with the bird, anyway?

I had a brainstorm with Rob Schmidt, Newspaper Rock blogger, this afternoon (when I should have been doing homework) trying to figure this out.

While Johnny Depp's costume seems a pretty exact copy of Sattler's painting, what was Sattler's inspiration?

Taken from Sattler's website on where he gets his inspiration:

“He is not mainly concerned with being historically accurate. His art interpretations give a feeling of authenticity without being specific to a particular tribe. The paintings begin with reference materials, finding a visual to inspire an image. The composites of facial features from different sources; books, fotos, models, imagination, combined, result into a simple rough sketch on the canvas, establishing the scale and composition of the painting.”

Hmm...Okay, Sattler seems concerned with looking authentic while being totally generic. (Which could be why his paintings are so popular with the pretendian crowd)

Rob offered the explanation that either the painting or Tonto's get-up could be inspired by a Chipewyan story about a man named Crow-head who, coincidentally, did wear a crow skin. The crow skin cape gave him power but, also got him made fun of by girls.

So, we have a Crow in a painting title, a Chipewyan story, a guy claiming to be part Cherokee or Creek wearing it all and nothing about Comanches, but, hey, they all begin with “C”, right?

Random Tagging Round-up (NSFW)

Sort of getting back to our roots today.  These are all photos my Facebook friends have been tagged in.  With the exception of a certain Osage and Dakota, most of these tags were meant as compliments.
There are a few common themes in these kind of images that fill the internet.

Sky Faces

Because the wolves are coming over for dinner on Wednesday...

Not "Awful" enough?  Photoshop in a creepy leering Spears brother!

 Wolves

Sky faces + wolves = double points!

Photoshop is hard...

Dreams Catchers:

Do not feed the dream-catcher bear.

Wolves, white women, pink feathers, oh, and I'm glad we're friends. Ahhhh....

All these things would eat you if they had a chance...just sayin' :)

Photoshop WTF?

Okay, I get the trees, eagles, owls, and generic mystical guy, but why are there 2 Death stars in this picture?

It's like they put everything "Awful" in a blender!

Rule 34

Why does so much "Native Inspired" art include the "O" face?

 Somebody really likes wolves.
Wait a minute!
Skyface + wolf + rule 34 = TRIPLE POINTS!

I'm not thinking about religion  right now, are you?  
I'm waiting for that really strong wind. O.o.

OH MY! Wait, is that Gene Simmons as an Angel? 

The Indians- Ireland's (IRELAND?) top show band

A friend shared this LINK with me and I was annoyed just enough to write again.  (There's been drama in Der Bear Haus, causing writer's block and other unfortunate side effects.  Reading about one's personal life, especially mine, is about as fun as watch really stinky paint dry in room without ventilation, so I'll spare you all the details.  You can thank me later.)

The following descreption is taken from the band's facebook page:
This "The Indians “BIG CHIEF” (Raymond Kelly), is lead singer and his stage name is GERONIMO. He is one of the finest vocalists in the business. Other members of the band are Eamonn (Sitting Bull) on keyboards, Kevin (Long Arrow) on drums, Brian (Crazy Horse) on bass guitar, and Tommy (Dull Knife) on lead guitar.

 Rob Schmidt at Newspaper Rock has wrote about band last year, explaining why this kind of  "lager-western" (similar to spaghetti-western but with more freckles) stage show is wrong.   More information on the band's shameful history can be found here.

Wait..Doesn't Ireland get it's own share of cultural appropriation?  Remember that holiday when we dress up like leprechauns and vomit green beer to "Honor" our (real or imagined) Irish roots?   

 So, why would they do this?

 Or this:

Wait, what the f@#$ do they know about Christmas on the the Reservation? 

Oh look another it's Apache cover.

So what do we do?
We contact them and tell them how offensive their gimmick is! 

Email: info@the-indians.com
Facebook fanpage #1 
Facebook fanpage #2
 

Doublewide decor and other places you don't want to be... (SFW)

My Daddy sent me this picture :)

Does something stink in here?  Oh, sorry, it's me...ayeee.  Yes, after spending four plus hours in the VeeDub, I'm back from Oklahoma.  Did you know there are folks living down there without wifi?  I was chained by a yellow cable in a little, back room all alone...  Anyway, nothing reminds me of Oklahoma more than bad decor.  It's everywhere!  It's the Oklahoma equivalent of "that local mediocre sports team that you must be a fan of cause they're local...here, have a lamp!"  Yes, I'm saying, Native Inspired schlock fills the NFL schlock-void.  Not to mention, it denigrates those who were forced to live there only to have most of  that land taken, too.  The land-theft, I mean Land-run is  re-ennacted every to rub it in to celebrate the state's shameful proud history .  Okay, done ranting, back to decor?

So, you know you're at the right trailer when you see this:

From my favorite decor site, collections.com

Wouldn't this look great above the door?

From the Hamilton collection (yes, the same people who brought you The Unicorn DreamCatcher)

 Look Ma! It's a Thomas Kinkade!

Another Treasure from the Hamilton Collection, yes you should look at it up close! It's fabulous!

This reminds me of a story.  A friend of mine started dating  a new guy.  She said, "You really like him.  He collects art!"  Of course, the guy turned out be a middle-age, balding, overweight, divorced, retail manager.  Okay, he was nice.  However, when I asked him about his much touted art collection, it turned out he collected Thomas Kinkade - Painter of light.  You can imagine how fun it was for my husband to watch me squirm and discuss "The Art of Thomas Kinkade" with a straight face.  No, my friend and the guy didn't work out.  Amazingly, she decided he was "a loser" completely on her own and without taking his "art collection" into consideration.  Anyway, I'm pretty sure he has this thing on a side table near his floral couch.

Bratz, now in winged stereotypes!

The Hamilton Collection never disappoints!  

This is from Jasmine Becket-Griffith's Spirit Maidens Figurine Collection. Spirit Maiden? Really? It reminds me of those pixies my mother collected in the seventies, only racist.

You know that old white guy with the bone-choker you see at Walmart?

You think he has one of these on his wall?

From, guess where?  The Hamilton Collection, whose slogan is "Collectables Inspired By You!"  Yes, you are to blame for this!  Can you stop inspiring already?

ZOMG! What time is it?

From Collections etc

I love the description on this one, "Table clock features a Native American style sculpted base with a maiden princess and her wolf spirit guide looking heavenward with the hope of being showered with good fortune from the dreamcatcher above. Requires 1 "AA" battery (not included). Crafted of plastic and resin" 

WTF?

Yes, from Collections Etc

I don't even have to make fun of it.  Read the decsription, "Birds will love to pow-wow in the confines of this cozy Native American style teepee birdhouse. It has a perch outside where two birds are busy and an opening for birds to enter. Charms dangle from its bottom. Hanging hook and cleanout door in the base."

Yep, you read that right, it's a bird Pow-wow.  Never mind the weirdness of feather headdresses on birds, that's right up there with chickens eating McNuggets, but why is the cradle-board hanging upside down? 

The things we teach our children

When my son was four, his grandmother sent him Peanuts Thanksgiving stickers in a greeting card.

from ebay

 At which he giggled, "It's a Charlie Brown Pow-wow? That's so silly!"

And I'm embarrassed to say, 

until that moment I hadn't realized, how truly absurd it was.

About the same time the following year, my son exits his school wearing a paper headdress and yells to me, 

"Look Mom!  I'm a Pow-wow guy!"

from Nebraska State Historical Society

I didn't bother correcting him.

The next year, he came home declaring, 

"Indians have a different word for pants!" 

So, sent him to school with information about the only Native language I knew.

And his teacher thanked me.

The following year, as part a lesson about teaching the history of the state, he came home with coloring pages praising Custer for his, "Valuable service."

And so, I yelled at the State Historical society who printed it and the teacher who handed it out.  

His teacher didn't realize it was offensive.

The Historical Society apologized profusely

and said they'd send out new lesson materials.

A small victory.

But then, 

I had to try to explain Custer to my seven-year-old.

Since then,

I've had to explain to my child why he can't yell,

"Geronimo!"

"But Spiderman says it!"

"Spiderman doesn't know any better."

"But."

"But you do."

I know,

it's all small stuff.

Little offenses.

Here

and there.

And over there.

But maybe

when my son grows up,

 he'll be the one that argues,

"Hey, I don't think it's okay to name 

a nuclear weapons system

Navajo."

Just saying.

5 Signs your new FB friend is a pretendian

They use a Kirby Sattler painting as their profile picture.

Kirby Sattler "See through Fog"

Now, I'm not saying Kirby Sattler is a bad artist or anything. (please don't sue me)  Yes, I know, this is the "Awful" blog.  He is a white artist who is a bit stuck in the romantic past, but honesty, compared most of the "Native Inspired" artwork out there, this is benign. 


They say things like, 'The Spirits belong to everybody" and post videos like this.

Wow, don't you just feel enlightened now?
Maybe you should try doing few yoga poses while watching to get the full effect.
I'm in "corpse pose" right now!
I will probably be featuring a lot of that "art" soon.  I really don't get the whole "Native Spirituality" youtube video thing, but then again, I don't understand why church services are on television, either.

They regularly tag you in photos like this one:

www.ubercomments.com

And this is supposed to be a compliment.

They own a headdress like this:

Feather and Stuff

Or this:

Feather and Stuff

Or this:

Yup, still Feathers and Stuff

Wow, those are some glazed looking hipsters...Oh, wait, no, those are mannequins.  My mistake.

Their weekend Pow-wow videos look something like this:

I've been watching this over and over; I'm more confused each time.

What the hell are they doing?

This is a pow-wow in Zuromin, Poland of all places.  

The drum group, Dead Dog Singers, are from the Czech Republic.  

Can somebody please tell me why?