A friend shared this LINK with me and I was annoyed just enough to write again. (There's been drama in Der Bear Haus, causing writer's block and other unfortunate side effects. Reading about one's personal life, especially mine, is about as fun as watch really stinky paint dry in room without ventilation, so I'll spare you all the details. You can thank me later.)
The following descreption is taken from the band's facebook page: This "The Indians “BIG CHIEF” (Raymond Kelly), is lead singer and his stage name is GERONIMO. He is one of the finest vocalists in the business. Other members of the band are Eamonn (Sitting Bull) on keyboards, Kevin (Long Arrow) on drums, Brian (Crazy Horse) on bass guitar, and Tommy (Dull Knife) on lead guitar.
Rob Schmidt at Newspaper Rock has wrote about band last year, explaining why this kind of "lager-western" (similar to spaghetti-western but with more freckles) stage show is wrong. More information on the band's shameful history can be found here.
Wait..Doesn't Ireland get it's own share of cultural appropriation? Remember that holiday when we dress up like leprechauns and vomit green beer to "Honor" our (real or imagined) Irish roots?
So, why would they do this?
Or this:
Wait, what the f@#$ do they know about Christmas on the the Reservation?
So, sent him to school with information about the only Native language I knew.
And his teacher thanked me.
The following year, as part a lesson about teaching the history of the state, he came home with coloring pages praising Custer for his, "Valuable service."
And so, I yelled at the State Historical society who printed it and the teacher who handed it out.
His teacher didn't realize it was offensive.
The Historical Society apologized profusely
and said they'd send out new lesson materials.
A small victory.
But then,
I had to try to explain Custer to my seven-year-old.
Since then,
I've had to explain to my child why he can't yell,
They use a Kirby Sattler painting as their profile picture.
Kirby Sattler "See through Fog"
Now, I'm not saying Kirby Sattler is a bad artist or anything. (please don't sue me) Yes, I know, this is the "Awful" blog. He is a white artist who is a bit stuck in the romantic past, but honesty, compared most of the "Native Inspired" artwork out there, this is benign.
They say things like, 'The Spirits belong to everybody" and post videos like this.
Wow, don't you just feel enlightened now?
Maybe you should try doing few yoga poses while watching to get the full effect.
I'm in "corpse pose" right now!
I will probably be featuring a lot of that "art" soon. I really don't get the whole "Native Spirituality" youtube video thing, but then again, I don't understand why church services are on television, either.
Blog goddess note: This post comes on the heels of Newspaper Rock's post on"Land theft in My Little Pony". Yet another chunk my childhood has bee marred by bad writing and racism. And here I thought Shia LaBeouf was the biggest threat to my innocent memories.
For $2.99 you can download this book.
A Challenge to be a Unicorn, A Native American Indian Pony book 2
This was self-published on March 10, my other unicorn post was published February 25, coincidence?
A brief description from Smashwords, “All unicorns have to spend time on Earth being a much loved horse, they have to earn golden stars in order to become a unicorn. This is book 2, all about a Native American boy and his horse.”
So, it's like a video game? Like playing Dora the Explorer, collecting all the stars to access the next level? Or Scientology?
What hipsters do in thier spare time...(Warning this a minute of your life you won't get back)
I have no frigging idea.
The description says, “A Native American is doing her daily dance to honor life, when she sees a mythical creature... a flying unicorn!!! The Native American tries to make peace, but the unicorn brutally murders the Native American - later boasting of her ability to fly. This is a symbolic reenactment of the horrors that befell the people who were once native to our land. The unicorn is seemingly innocent, but the true innocence is embedded within the Native American. She is pure, trusting, and as a result, is dealt a cruel fate.”
I think a better description would be, “Hey, I'm drunk and I have this hipster headdress and big green piece of paper hanging in my apartment! So, we got out that unicorn head from last year's key party and put together some racist bullshit!”
Yes, it a feather with a rainbow and a Unicorn! I want to put in my hair, grab that pink Unicorn drum from White Ego Woman and see if I can get anybody at HINU to sing with me!
Oh, but it gets better, Diane Tolleson is a psychic! For $60 an hour, she gives psychic reading by phone, email or in person! She, of course, also paints feathers. For $75 dollars she will paint your Labrador on a crow feather. Where has this woman been all my life?
Geeze, send me $60. I'll tell you, "Everything is coming up roses" and I'll paint your cat with blueberry wojapi.
Guess who's back and giving workshops in Sedona next month?
Yes, she did just invite you to gather around her cedar womb. Seriously, I can't make this sh*t up. Doesn't she look like Mardi Gras threw up on a taxidermist?
All jokes aside, this Grandmother Drum White Eagle Woman charges $795 for 5-day workshops teaching things she can't even begin to understand. She claims to be Seneca, she is not. Check her schedule.
Here's some of the lovely, hand-painted, leather Hand-drums you can buy on Grandmother Creepy Owl's website (I'm sure the proceeds go to her legal defense fund):
Shalom, Wakinyan!
Angel wings? Blond, furry, lady parts? Sorry I don't what this is. I must have skipped "Modern Witchcraft" class that day.
Pink Unicorn with a goatee! Squeee! You have no idea how badly I want this! Its so sparkly!
And then there's this one, Kiesha Crowther aka Little Grandmother:
What's up with the microphone that resembles a giant mole? Does anybody else find it weird she has her own flag behind her? Wait, did she just say "crystal skull?" I once had relative with dementia who thought all the movies she saw in her life had actually happened to her, too.
She really likes crystals and says "These crystals, they carry such a huge love vibration..."
Well, if all she needed was "love vibration", I could recommend a few shops on ebay...
And after watching that video, aren't you kind of wondering what's in that pipe? btw- I've been told girls are not even supposed to touch the pipe, let alone smoke it.
Nice Minnetonkas. You'd think at her prices, $295 a person for weekend conference, she could afford some real moccasins. You can find more crazy on her website. She claims to be the "Shaman" for the Salish and Sioux tribes. Sioux tribes? As in all of them? Obviously, that would never happen since "Shamans" are from Siberia.
Here's a little note of explanation for my Non-Native friends: If for some reason you find yourself attracted to Native American religious practices, please stop and consider why that is. There are plenty of Pagan and Neo-Pagan paths you can follow. Pagans throw great parties. You can revere the Earth without disrespecting Indigenous people. If you still feel drawn to Native beliefs don't expect to be welcomed. Let me clue you in a small detail, religions that don't teach of eternal damnation have no motivation to share with you. Besides that, Native Religious practices were illegal in this country until 1978. People have suffered to keep that hand hold on their culture. Please, don't act entitled to it.
I asked my friend, Choctaw Activist and writer, Ben Carnes for his thoughts on the subject. Here's what he had to say:
"There are no quick fixes to the problems they encounter in their daily lives until they are willing to change certain aspects of their life. Our religion or spirituality isn't really either, it is a way of life that doesn't come modular in any shape or form.
Once someone has mixed and matched for their own agenda's, then it loses its meaning and significance as was originally intended. Which is one of the reasons, you will never find it on the marketplace as a seminar, workshop or even a book. If they pay for a weekend retreat, then it just becomes the beginning of a scam to boost someone's status or pocketbook, or even to take sexual advantage of another.
The people who have complained that we don't share have not been listening to us, because they don't want to hear what it is we have been saying, so until they slow down and stop to listen, they will never proceed any further and there are no short-cuts!
When Native people come out and complain or protest about the actions of frauds like Keisha Crowther or myths about the Rainbow Warrior Prophecy, instead of marginalizing Native people, maybe stop and consider there is merit to their arguments. Otherwise, they will have joined the ranks of exploiters who will bring harm to others."
I'd like to thank Ben for sharing his words and my readers for sticking with me. I <3 you all.
Sadly, Felipe Rose is not a pretendian. We just wish he was.
Pretendian noun Someone who appropriates generic, stereo-typical Native American themes in an attempt to appear more exotic, earthy, ironic, rebellious and possibly even whorish, but in an easily digestible "one with nature" kind of way. Pretendians have no grasp on o current or past Native American issues. They are oblivious that their actions and wardrobe are offensive, because, of course, that would require acknowledging other people have thoughts and feelings.
Wow, plastic warrior, feathers from the craft aisle at Walmart, a recipe to offend every Indigenous person you meet. How ironic is that?
And for days you fear you may be mistaken for a cat toy: ( Don't worry, it happens to real Natives all the time. It's true, more Native Americans die each year from cats attacks than spontaneous combustion and blimp accidents combined!)
www.stylecaster.com
Added bonus, headbands will hold your wig on! (watch REEL INJUN for more info) In case you weren't born with stick straight black hair, that you know, all Indians have.
But then again, nothing says "too cool worry about offending people" like Dead Animal on the head:
Charlotte Kemp Muhl, who has some, you know, mystic aversion to bras.
Don't forget the jewelry:
Etsy user feathercreations (she likes being topless, apparently. I almost had a SFW post, too)
Lee Bogle, now in hoodie form, accompanied by Guatemalan back-strap loomed trim because, you know, all Indigenous stuff goes together.
Don't forget your leather outfit!
etsy user dleather, who isn't posing as N.A. artisan. She does custom leather work. She also has fringed leather corsets, loin-cloths, etc, for all your role-playing needs.
Blog Goddess Note: I want to thank all of you for reading and commenting on this blog. You all Rock!
I'm listening to what you have to say, too! See the new NSFW tags? You did that, okay a Newspaperrock reader clued me in on that, but anyway, it's there. I love you all too much to get you fired.
Yes, I've been asked the questions several times. "Why does it bother you so much? What's the big deal? Where's the harm?"
Well, for the most part, images like this one on the right, perpetuate a harmful set of ideas:
1. Real Indians are Dead. When we associate Native Americans with this fanciful image, we ignore the real Indigenous people around us.
While it would be easier if to identify Native Americans if they all wore feathers where ever they go. It's just not practical and can lead to unprovoked cat attacks.
Also, sadly,Walmart will not allow pet eagles, or wolves, in their stores. However, they will allow this, go figure.
2. Native American spirituality is simplistic. I have to laugh about some of the strange ideas about Indigenous Religion. Sadly, our own history books over simplify Native American beliefs in such a way that it is perceived as a series of bizarre and naive practices. Spirituality varies greatly from tribe to tribe. However, most of my Indigenous friends have told me there spiritual practice is more of a way life than an organized religion. Let us not forget, the American government made practicing Native American religions illegal as part of their attempt to "Americanize" Native Americans.
3. Savage Booty exists.Sorry Charlie, sex is universal and we all, animals included, do it pretty much the same. (Well, except spiders, spiders are all kinds of weird!) I know there are soccer moms out there daydreaming about a man in pigtails riding on a horse wanting to do freaky things to them. Madeline Baker built a romance novel empire around the fantasy. Sadly, I know some of guys are going to be mad at me for saying so, Savage Booty is a lie. The weird, explicit ceremonies outlined in the ever popular Hanta Yo are also lies. Yes, there are Twin-Spirit people. However, their cultural significance should be interpreted as inclusion (something dominant culture should emulate) rather than sexual deviance.
Authors note: I'm sure there's more. I'd love to keep going, really I would. I've been drinking Tussin DM straight from the bottle for two days. It seems to be affecting my writing ability. Please don't tease me about my dysfunctional spell-checking and editing abilities. CBear out.
Update: Since so many people are reading my cough-syrup induced ramblings, I wanted to insert a link to Rob Schmidt's 2003 article on "Kinky Indian Sex". Enjoy.
This one has it all. Loin cloth? Check. Mystic animal? Check. Man seeming to control the weather with his, er, staff? Check, check check.
This is from one of those romance novels calledThe Spirit Path by Madeline Baker
Here's an excerpt...
As Shadow Hawk lay there, his eyes closed against the pain, the Spirit Woman's image appeared before him. He had not been able to see her face clearly, only the glow of sun-gold skin and a riot of curly hair as black as the wings of his spirit bird. And even as he watched, the shadow of the black hawk he'd seen in his vision seemed to merge with the woman, and he heard a voice in the back of his mind, the voice of the shadow hawk...
She is waiting for you. The words were on more than the merest whisper, yet they rang loud and clear in his mind. You cannot fulfill your destiny without her.
Who was she? Why did her image intrude on his prayers and dreams? What power did she have over him, that he could not forget her; what magic did she possess that made him think of her day and night? What did she want of him?
Wow. From what little I could read on Amazon, it sounds like she owns a Lakota dictionary. It got awesome reviews, so if you're home alone with your cats...(Or you could just go to a 49 and write your own damn romance novel)
Oh, wow, there's more: http://www.madelinebaker.net/bio.htm
Comanches, Apaches, 'Akotas and Cheyennes all falling in love with white non-native girls. This is what all bored, white-bread Non-Native, middle-class, suburban, soccer-moms think about in the shower, ennit?
By the way, this is Madeline Baker.
.
?" I once had relative with dementia who thought all the movies she saw in her life had actually happened to her, too.
for more info) In case you weren't born with stick straight black hair, that you know, all Indians have.
Let us not forget, the American government made practicing Native American religions 
by Madeline Baker
. It got awesome reviews, so if you're home alone with your cats...(Or you could just go to a 49 and write your own damn romance novel)