Random Tagging Round-up (NSFW)

Sort of getting back to our roots today.  These are all photos my Facebook friends have been tagged in.  With the exception of a certain Osage and Dakota, most of these tags were meant as compliments.
There are a few common themes in these kind of images that fill the internet.

Sky Faces

Because the wolves are coming over for dinner on Wednesday...

Not "Awful" enough?  Photoshop in a creepy leering Spears brother!

 Wolves

Sky faces + wolves = double points!

Photoshop is hard...

Dreams Catchers:

Do not feed the dream-catcher bear.

Wolves, white women, pink feathers, oh, and I'm glad we're friends. Ahhhh....

All these things would eat you if they had a chance...just sayin' :)

Photoshop WTF?

Okay, I get the trees, eagles, owls, and generic mystical guy, but why are there 2 Death stars in this picture?

It's like they put everything "Awful" in a blender!

Rule 34

Why does so much "Native Inspired" art include the "O" face?

 Somebody really likes wolves.
Wait a minute!
Skyface + wolf + rule 34 = TRIPLE POINTS!

I'm not thinking about religion  right now, are you?  
I'm waiting for that really strong wind. O.o.

OH MY! Wait, is that Gene Simmons as an Angel? 

The Indians- Ireland's (IRELAND?) top show band

A friend shared this LINK with me and I was annoyed just enough to write again.  (There's been drama in Der Bear Haus, causing writer's block and other unfortunate side effects.  Reading about one's personal life, especially mine, is about as fun as watch really stinky paint dry in room without ventilation, so I'll spare you all the details.  You can thank me later.)

The following descreption is taken from the band's facebook page:
This "The Indians “BIG CHIEF” (Raymond Kelly), is lead singer and his stage name is GERONIMO. He is one of the finest vocalists in the business. Other members of the band are Eamonn (Sitting Bull) on keyboards, Kevin (Long Arrow) on drums, Brian (Crazy Horse) on bass guitar, and Tommy (Dull Knife) on lead guitar.

 Rob Schmidt at Newspaper Rock has wrote about band last year, explaining why this kind of  "lager-western" (similar to spaghetti-western but with more freckles) stage show is wrong.   More information on the band's shameful history can be found here.

Wait..Doesn't Ireland get it's own share of cultural appropriation?  Remember that holiday when we dress up like leprechauns and vomit green beer to "Honor" our (real or imagined) Irish roots?   

 So, why would they do this?

 Or this:

Wait, what the f@#$ do they know about Christmas on the the Reservation? 

Oh look another it's Apache cover.

So what do we do?
We contact them and tell them how offensive their gimmick is! 

Email: info@the-indians.com
Facebook fanpage #1 
Facebook fanpage #2
 

Doublewide decor and other places you don't want to be... (SFW)

My Daddy sent me this picture :)

Does something stink in here?  Oh, sorry, it's me...ayeee.  Yes, after spending four plus hours in the VeeDub, I'm back from Oklahoma.  Did you know there are folks living down there without wifi?  I was chained by a yellow cable in a little, back room all alone...  Anyway, nothing reminds me of Oklahoma more than bad decor.  It's everywhere!  It's the Oklahoma equivalent of "that local mediocre sports team that you must be a fan of cause they're local...here, have a lamp!"  Yes, I'm saying, Native Inspired schlock fills the NFL schlock-void.  Not to mention, it denigrates those who were forced to live there only to have most of  that land taken, too.  The land-theft, I mean Land-run is  re-ennacted every to rub it in to celebrate the state's shameful proud history .  Okay, done ranting, back to decor?

So, you know you're at the right trailer when you see this:

From my favorite decor site, collections.com

Wouldn't this look great above the door?

From the Hamilton collection (yes, the same people who brought you The Unicorn DreamCatcher)

 Look Ma! It's a Thomas Kinkade!

Another Treasure from the Hamilton Collection, yes you should look at it up close! It's fabulous!

This reminds me of a story.  A friend of mine started dating  a new guy.  She said, "You really like him.  He collects art!"  Of course, the guy turned out be a middle-age, balding, overweight, divorced, retail manager.  Okay, he was nice.  However, when I asked him about his much touted art collection, it turned out he collected Thomas Kinkade - Painter of light.  You can imagine how fun it was for my husband to watch me squirm and discuss "The Art of Thomas Kinkade" with a straight face.  No, my friend and the guy didn't work out.  Amazingly, she decided he was "a loser" completely on her own and without taking his "art collection" into consideration.  Anyway, I'm pretty sure he has this thing on a side table near his floral couch.

Bratz, now in winged stereotypes!

The Hamilton Collection never disappoints!  

This is from Jasmine Becket-Griffith's Spirit Maidens Figurine Collection. Spirit Maiden? Really? It reminds me of those pixies my mother collected in the seventies, only racist.

You know that old white guy with the bone-choker you see at Walmart?

You think he has one of these on his wall?

From, guess where?  The Hamilton Collection, whose slogan is "Collectables Inspired By You!"  Yes, you are to blame for this!  Can you stop inspiring already?

ZOMG! What time is it?

From Collections etc

I love the description on this one, "Table clock features a Native American style sculpted base with a maiden princess and her wolf spirit guide looking heavenward with the hope of being showered with good fortune from the dreamcatcher above. Requires 1 "AA" battery (not included). Crafted of plastic and resin" 

WTF?

Yes, from Collections Etc

I don't even have to make fun of it.  Read the decsription, "Birds will love to pow-wow in the confines of this cozy Native American style teepee birdhouse. It has a perch outside where two birds are busy and an opening for birds to enter. Charms dangle from its bottom. Hanging hook and cleanout door in the base."

Yep, you read that right, it's a bird Pow-wow.  Never mind the weirdness of feather headdresses on birds, that's right up there with chickens eating McNuggets, but why is the cradle-board hanging upside down? 

The things we teach our children

When my son was four, his grandmother sent him Peanuts Thanksgiving stickers in a greeting card.

from ebay

 At which he giggled, "It's a Charlie Brown Pow-wow? That's so silly!"

And I'm embarrassed to say, 

until that moment I hadn't realized, how truly absurd it was.

About the same time the following year, my son exits his school wearing a paper headdress and yells to me, 

"Look Mom!  I'm a Pow-wow guy!"

from Nebraska State Historical Society

I didn't bother correcting him.

The next year, he came home declaring, 

"Indians have a different word for pants!" 

So, sent him to school with information about the only Native language I knew.

And his teacher thanked me.

The following year, as part a lesson about teaching the history of the state, he came home with coloring pages praising Custer for his, "Valuable service."

And so, I yelled at the State Historical society who printed it and the teacher who handed it out.  

His teacher didn't realize it was offensive.

The Historical Society apologized profusely

and said they'd send out new lesson materials.

A small victory.

But then, 

I had to try to explain Custer to my seven-year-old.

Since then,

I've had to explain to my child why he can't yell,

"Geronimo!"

"But Spiderman says it!"

"Spiderman doesn't know any better."

"But."

"But you do."

I know,

it's all small stuff.

Little offenses.

Here

and there.

And over there.

But maybe

when my son grows up,

 he'll be the one that argues,

"Hey, I don't think it's okay to name 

a nuclear weapons system

Navajo."

Just saying.

5 Signs your new FB friend is a pretendian

They use a Kirby Sattler painting as their profile picture.

Kirby Sattler "See through Fog"

Now, I'm not saying Kirby Sattler is a bad artist or anything. (please don't sue me)  Yes, I know, this is the "Awful" blog.  He is a white artist who is a bit stuck in the romantic past, but honesty, compared most of the "Native Inspired" artwork out there, this is benign. 


They say things like, 'The Spirits belong to everybody" and post videos like this.

Wow, don't you just feel enlightened now?
Maybe you should try doing few yoga poses while watching to get the full effect.
I'm in "corpse pose" right now!
I will probably be featuring a lot of that "art" soon.  I really don't get the whole "Native Spirituality" youtube video thing, but then again, I don't understand why church services are on television, either.

They regularly tag you in photos like this one:

www.ubercomments.com

And this is supposed to be a compliment.

They own a headdress like this:

Feather and Stuff

Or this:

Feather and Stuff

Or this:

Yup, still Feathers and Stuff

Wow, those are some glazed looking hipsters...Oh, wait, no, those are mannequins.  My mistake.

Their weekend Pow-wow videos look something like this:

I've been watching this over and over; I'm more confused each time.

What the hell are they doing?

This is a pow-wow in Zuromin, Poland of all places.  

The drum group, Dead Dog Singers, are from the Czech Republic.  

Can somebody please tell me why?

Happy 4-20

No, this image isn't wiggling, it's just you.

 Today's post makes no sense  Why should it?  It's 4-20 and I reserve the right to be as incoherent as possible, but in all honesty I never was that coherent to begin with.  Disclaimer: the celebration of 4-20 does not mean the Blog Author advocates illegal activity of any kind...I just think it's funny.

Here's some brightly colored images for you to stare at.

from some new-agey site 

Whoa...

from the same new agey site

Anybody else thinking about the end of the world?

These rocks glow in the dark!

stolen form this blog

I realize this picture has nothing to do with Native Americans at all, but they're rocks and they freaking GLOW IN THE DARK!  Isn't that just mind blowing?

This thing is creeping me out...

from www.glitzgifts.net

It's like somebody's handbag came to life and tried to start a conversation with you.
I can't tell if this is "Native Inspired" or not, the description is too damn long for me to read with that thing staring at me, but it costs $2,777.00.

Lookie, another dreamcatcher...

stolen from a French blog

I found this while looking for Iktomi. This is not him, but don't worry, he'll turn up.

But if you need a spider fix...  (NSFW, wait, who am I kidding, you aren't at work!)

And for the munchies...

from pulse

Yes, Cupcake Teepees with SPRINKLES!

Happy 4-20, ya'll!

Coyote "Inspirations"

Coyote the Trickster, we've all heard the stories about how he tricks Iktomi out of his roasted prairie dogs or how he stole fire or his hundreds of other stories.  (Wait, why is there no awful spider art? Believe me, I've been looking.)


Anyway, here are some "Awful" ways to express your connectedness to the coyote.  Disclaimer:  The blog author is not responsible for any wackiness that may occur in your life for embracing coyotes.


Getting in touch your inner Coyote...Or preparing for Coachella?

deviant art

This woman says, "I can create headdresses such as this from just about any tanned fur you hand me. Bobcat, wolf, mountain lion, bear, African black-backed jackal....you name it, I'll do it (so long as it's legal, of course!)."

Wait, I found this trolling on Etsy... Yes, it is the same woman and still very creepy.

.

from etsy

Her listing claims this is "Perfect for Halloween, religous purposes, Burning Man, bonfire parties, Pow-Wows, costume parties, re-enactors, cosplayers, or anyone who wants to feel more in touch with their inner animal."   The misspellings are hers.

Um...What?  I must have missed the Roadkill Pow-wow.  Do they hold that off of the Will Rogers Turnpike?

But is it as bad as this?

From ebay, at $104 with 4 hours to go...

Oh but he looks so happy!  You know, with his severed head hanging on the wall.  Yup, happy.
Somebody wants this in their house, if it's any of you, please do me a favor and never invite me over.

Not Dooney & Burke...

from etsy, where else?

Ever think, "I could use a handbag that can elegantly sheath my 6-8 inch knife.  Those Burlington Coat Factory sales just get really rough sometimes, you never know when you might have to gut someone for taking the last pair of size 8 1/2 tiger print horse-hair pumps."  The dead coyote in this case would just be a warning to others.


Sometimes, I can't decide if something is scary, awful, awesome or all three.

deviant art user "I am Art slave"

When I see this, all I can think about is devouring Frank the Bunny.

Somebody read Generation T:

From Etsy.com

I was wondering what I'd wear if I found a Hot Tub Time Machine in Oklahoma City.

Not Felipe Rose:

 from Wood Co.

The website says, "This artifact is a wild and exceptional display piece! This impressive wall mount comes from Native American artists Super Moon and Black Wolf. It is part of a limited edition, number 20 of 500, and features a hand painted lost wax image of an American Indian Warrior."  
Now, I'm not going to claim know every Indigenous artisan out there, but Super Moon?  It doesn't say what tribe(s) the artisans belong to, either, which always strikes me as odd, especially when there's that whole Indian Arts and Crafts Act of 1990.
(please correct me if I'm wrong about this)
However, the site does go on to explain,"Native Americans have always felt a special connection to nature. The belief that all things have a spirit is an integral part of their religions. The Zuni believe that animals are more like the Zuni deities than is man. They also believe that animals have more power than man and that these powers, both practical and spiritual, reside in their totems."
Um, what do the Zuni have to do with this exactly? Hey, but he has horse hair, bison mane and coyote fur and for the low, low price of $361.95 plus shipping he can be yours!  I recommend hanging him in the guest room.